"10,000 BC" YAWN

It's not a good sign when the most exciting, action-packed scene in your movie involves a dodo.

10,000 BC"is bad. Not the "good" bad, either.

See, some movies are so unabashedly, mind-numbingly, powerfully bad that you can't help but enjoy them (yes, I mean Snakes on a Plane). These movies are driven to fantastic heights of camp by the straight-faced performances of overly committed actors who seem to be having a great time.

Then there's the "bad" bad. Movies in which the one-dimensional characters just stumble along, muttering lines of momentous cliche without a hint of deep emotion, as though wading through a bog of apathy. These movies are bad because the actors are apparently not having a good time, and that translates to the audience. Without committed actors, even the most inspired storyline can become mired in this type of ennui.

And the plot of 10,000 BC is definitely inspired (read "ripped off"). It follows the story of a tribal hunter named D'Leh (Steven Strait) whose girlfriend, Evolet (Camilla Belle) is enslaved by the evil ancient Egyptians (huh?). The evil Egyptians are using slaves and woolly mammoths to build the three pyramids of Giza and the sphinx, you see (all in "10,000 BC", no less; yeah, my inner historian is having an aneurysm too). Naturally, the caucasian D'Leh sets out after her, in the process raising an army of black tribesmen to fight the Egyptians. Not to mention near-plagiarizing such sources as Apocalypto, One Million Years BC, and the book of Exodus.

You think maybe I'm reading too much into the fact that D'Leh is a caucasian leader of a black army? And that his symbol of authority is the White Spear? And that Evolet is routinely referred to as "the Blue-Eyed Child"?

Yeah, probably. I'm just groping for a reason to endure this snorefest, and maybe latent racism will do the trick. The problem is that the movie is just so boring. D'Leh barely has to do anything to fulfill his quest, since the director shamelessly uses old shaman ladies and "prophecies" as a Deus ex Machina.

Smarty Pants Sez: 10,000 BC is bad. Not just bad, "bad" bad. Don't see it.

Caveats: It's an epic movie without much of a plot, a romance without drama, a war movie without action, and a bad movie without camp. But hey, if you like dodo's and woolly mammoths, you might enjoy it. A little.